The following article is written by a volunteer blogger. The views expressed in this are solely the author’s own.
Uptil now researches & prolonged discussions have been done only on the issue of violence against women, as they have been considered as tender, soft-hearted, caring, affectionate etc. Following the “Learned Helplessness Hypothesis”, according to which women are socialized to remain passive on the reaction of any kind of severe depression, whereas men’s reaction is expressed through their harsh behavior and anger. Social scientists are now considering the psycho-social problems of men as they too can be victims of violence.
Rare researches have been carried on the issues of men, as they have been stereotyped as most strong and resistant to intolerant situations. In the light of these limited areas of discussion, few points have been highlighted in the context of current situation of Pakistani Men. Modern social scientists have taken into account the inherent sensitivity of men towards any kind of violence, inhumanness and cruelty.
“Women are the foe of women” this statement tells that females since childhood, are being taught to stay alert from men’s conspiracy, men will harm and ‘spoil’ them, so females are required to keep away from them. Such kind of socialization patterns induce fixation of certain kind of ideas. In many cases this statement has been proved wrong, for example, the relationship between a father and daughter does not follow the above mentioned concerns.
Domestic violence against men may be due to different causes, such as forced marriages, children born out of wedlock, revenge based marriages, extra marital relationships, poverty. Research tells that women are more likely to be negatively affected by low income. Cheating on the part of women, cold tempered wives, histrionic personalities, menopause, irritability, lack of self-control, and low self-esteem. Women expressing lack of tolerance and the tendency to flare up or hold resentment can impose psychological tortures on their male partners.
In the few reported cases, mostly kitchen groceries and utensils are being used as the weapon. It’s more common among teenage mothers who are less educated & more frustrated by personal concerns; they are impulsive and have lack of self-control. Relationship problems with the family members, most of social misunderstandings and conflicts are due to an inappropriate tone or pitch of the sound and due to difference of opinion.
Expenditure and expectation of well to do, and educated, white collar women increase with their social class. Thus economic distress of men if having a “Trophy Bride” increases because of them, having been habitual of a luxurious lifestyle, which further motivates them to earn more and more, this motivation may be a serious factor in deterioting relationships with the husband, as he may feel pushed to earn more. If this need to spend more money is based in lowered self-worth, then this condition can never be fulfilled and becomes a downward spiral for the relationship.
Due to inability to cope with various stresses of life and marriage, the incidence of psychological disorders is higher in women, and may be an added stress on the husband’s budget. Women seek attention from their husbands in one way or other, sometimes in an unhealthy manner, without clearly expressing their needs and desires. This can further deteriote an already ailing marriage.
If the wife discovers her husband having an extra marital affair she can act out in a violence manner. Sometimes even the fear that the husband may be involved in such a relationship coupled with a lowered self worth may cause her to do the same.
Mental health awareness programs, counseling sections have been initiated by many organizations. Such counseling can help couples to better achieve their successful married life goals. In this way gender role stereotypes could be broken to some extend and would give a new outlook to change some societies’ standpoint in befitting ways.